Hello, my name is Quatre R.
Winner. I don’t even know why I am writing this down, but sometimes people like
me just feel like writing I guess – or just typing their fingers off... Geez, I
haven’t written anything for myself for ages. I’m a busy little aristocrat you
have to know. Oh, I should introduce myself. I am a young Arabian (15, to be
exact), and believe it or not, I am blond and have blue eyes, which is
perfectly normal!!! (Ever heard of Berbers? They were my ancestors).
I am going the wrong direction
here, anyway. What I was going to write about was a school trip. You see,
people like me and my friends go to a school were you amazingly have to wear
white suits (skirts for the girls), you always need to behave and be properly
dressed. No kissing on the corridor, no misbehaving, show your manners. Sounds
like a prison, but you need to understand, that they are just trying to prepare
us for a life, we should have when we go to that school, the life of rich
people; the life of snobs, if you will However, some of my friends at this
school are not rich, but there are other reasons they go there. Reasons I won’t
explain here.
There is Heero for example,
a quiet, almost scary type who trusts only himself and isn’t afraid of
anything. And there’s Duo Maxwell, an orphan, always funny, always happy. There
are a hundred special things about him, like his long, chestnut-colored braid,
his black fashion and the fact that he refers to himself as the “shinigami”.
And there’s my Chinese friend Wufei, who has it in for justice and honor. He
hates women and weaklings, don’t ask me. And finally, finally there’s Trowa, my
boyfriend. Trowa is stoic and quiet, almost always knows what to do and almost
always is there for me. He has emerald colored eyes, long brown bangs and is a
bit taller than me. He’s helping out at a circus when he’s got the time,
because his sister works there. He looks great in our white school uniform. And
that is where the problem begins.
You can just imagine all
those aristocratic snobs (would I be considered one of them?) and their
attitudes. Yaoi or Yuri? Nah! It’s a big taboo in this school. So what do I and
Trowa do? Behave normal, because if anyone catches up what is wrong with us, we
would be teased and lectured. I don’t really understand why people just don’t
understand that love goes the way it goes, and there’s nothing wrong with is.
In fact, I could almost claim I am not
homosexual, because I don’t care about other boys. I only love Trowa and he
feels the same for me. The teachers freak out if you hug anyone on the
corridors and the students freak out when that one’s your gender.
It hasn’t been a problem,
although I can hardly keep away from Trowa, but I can control myself. I have him after school and I have him – I
admit that – at night for myself. And Wufei, Duo and Heero don’t mind our
relationship at all. So, we go to school as friends, making the impression of
two guys who just get along well. A few hours in school are not too bad. The
easiest thing about that is, that Trowa and I only share two classes. See, he’s
one grade up, so we have different classes. Due to some certain circumstances,
I happen to share calculus and computer science with Trowa. They moved us, Duo,
Heero and Wufei, one grade up for that. So in calculus Trowa-chan and I sit
next to each other and in computer science we work on the same machine. And
that is really difficult. Call me a horny teenager if you like, but when you
spend five hours thinking about one person and you happen to sit next to him,
feeling his body heat, feeling his breath, try to control yourself! Not to
mention we never get what’s going on in calculus or computer science classes...
We have Heero, Duo and Wufei tell us what happened later on. Trowa is the mean
one of us two, though. Bite me, but I think it’s mean to sit on the computer
and have Trowa ‘accidentally’ put his arm around my chair and brush my... hips.
I usually hiss at him to not do that in class, and he give me of these
incredible smiles, nobody can really resist. Trowa doesn’t smile very often,
that is. Only to me, to be quite frank, and sometimes when it’s only me and the
other guys around. So, what happens is, that I blush and fix my eyes on the
screen until the teacher passes by and Trowa withdraws his arm.
Ah, I am writing quite some nonsense
here. It all grew pretty much a problem, when our teacher announced, we would
have a trip to some town on earth with some classes. Duo immediately asked who
‘some classes’ were, and we found out that our whole grade would go as well as
Trowa’s. You see, they think these one-week school trips are educational, when
they in fact only make students chill and relax or celebrate all night. They
have no educational worth whatsaoever...
I understand if you don’t
understand, but hell, keeping away from Trowa for a whole week was sheer impossible. What do you expect? I am a fifteen
year old boy, I never have loved so overwhelming, and the things I and Trowa
share... let’s say, it feels so good just to cuddle with him, that I cannot
keep from it. Everything aches and draws me close to him. Duo and Heero
exchanged glances at the thought of that trip and then synchronically looked at
me smiling.
“Funny, really. I cannot
pretend he is just my friend for two weeks,” I whispered. Duo narrowed his
eyes, contemplating that thought, and finally deciding that I must be right. He
shrugged at me, telling me I would just have to. The alternative would have
been just to not go on that trip, but
a week without Trowa seemed equally
horrible. Absently I started scribbling on my pad, until the bell rang for
lunch break. As usually we met on our table and as usually, Trowa already was
there, having brought something to eat for us both. He classroom is just closer
to the lunch area than mine. So, while Wufei, Duo and Heero were still getting
something to eat, me and Trowa occupied the table on our own.
“Mizu Me,” he said - that’s
what he calls me when nobody else listens - and a slight smile, the one only I
can see, crossed his face. He handed me my food and I thanked him.
“Had a fine day?” he asked,
sitting down next to me. You see, the lunch table is the only place we can sit
down and let our bodies touch without problems, because there’s no room, we all
have to squeeze together. Don’t ask me why, that school is rich, but they don’t
intend to buy any new lunch furniture so you can eat comfortably. Not that I
would mind...
“Uh...” I said, opening a
box of salad, “did you hear about the trip?”
Trowa’s eyes narrowed in
concern, I didn’t see him, since he sat next to me, but judging from his voice,
they did. “Yeah. We’re both participating,” he said. No more words needed, he
was just thinking the same I did. How would we keep to ourselves one week?
“Um... Maybe I should just
stay home?” I asked.
“The trip is paid by the
school, they don’t let you stay home if you don’t have a serious reason.
Besides, I wouldn’t want to miss you, either.”
“But... Trowa... one week so
close. I don’t think we can-”
“I know,” he said, dropping
his fork accidentally. You know, Trowa never
drops anything. It was a serious sign
that he was in rage or nervous or something like that.
“Dammit... we just have to,
maybe we can just meet some time secretly and at least... um.. cuddle, you
know?” he said trying to comfort himself and me. Trowa’s so sweet. He just sounded
like a caring father to me in that moment and it made me smile.
“Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t be
so pessimistic. Isn’t like me, anyway.”
“Mh-mh. Mizu Me...” and
there was an undeniable longing in his voice, which made me blush. It was just
then when Duo plopped down across from me and Heero next to him. Wufei occupied
the head of the small table on the wall. Duo grinned at me, wordlessly.
“What?” I asked annoyedly.
“You’re all flushed,” he
just said, his gaze wandering to Trowa. Trowa just kept picking in his salad,
as if he had not heard Duo. Duo snickered and chomped his sandwich. “Were you
discussing the school trip?” he asked, once he had swallowed. Trowa groaned.
Heero laid a hand on Duo’s to get his attention. Duo looked at him and read in
Heero’s gaze that he was supposed to keep quiet.
“We were discussing the
school trip,” I said calmly. “I am not an actor, I can’t hide my feelings
constantly.”
“I am sure, we can arrange
you some privacy,” Heero said. We dismissed the subject, not wanting to really
talk about it anyway.
Before we even noticed it,
Trowa and I stood in front of this huge shuttle, next to our suitcases and
entered. I’ll be honest, we had spent the night before together, but there had
been an a bad atmosphere around, thinking about this school trip. There were
sixty other students around, including Duo, Heero and Wufei, who threw their
bags into the trunk. We followed them, not really happy about what we were
doing. Trowa closed the trunk, since we were the last ones to fit something in
there. The headmistress was calling down the class lists.
“Duo Maxwell?”
“Here!”
And so on... She went
through our grade and then to the higher ones.
“Trowa Barton?” No reply. A
second ago he had been next to me, where was he now?
“Trowa Barton?”
“Um... he went to wash his
hands,” Duo said, “the trunk was dirty.”
“Get him, please, we need to
depart,” she said. Duo groaned, “what am I, the get-lost-students-service?” but
then he smiled at me, “You go.”
“Huh?” I asked, but turned
around walking back towards the school and the bathrooms. I found Trowa on the
sink, scrubbing the black stuff from his hand, which had been on the shuttle.
He looked up as I entered. “Mizu Me!” he smiled.
“We need to go. I was sent
to get you.”
Trowa dried his hands and
nodded. “I told Duo to let you go and get me,” he admitted.
“Nani?” I said, as he came
towards me.
“This is going to be so
long,” he said and wrapped me in his arms. I tilted my head back so our lips
could meet. We exchanged a loving kiss, enjoying it and holding on to the
moment. My stomach leaped in that wonderful feeling this gave me. I followed
his mouth as he pulled away, not wanting to let go. He gave me on last, quick
kiss, but didn’t succumb to my pleading any further.
“They are waiting,” he said
and turned me towards the door, untwining us. He followed behind me, keeping
some distance to me. We quickly entered the shuttle, everyone else was already
seated.
“Sorry, I had problems
scrubbing the oil off of my hands. The trunk was a little dirty.”
The headmistress acknowledged
that and we sat down behind Heero, Duo and Wufei, next to an empty seat. Duo
grinned at me broadly. I smacked him a little, for that inaudible comment.
“Thank you,” Trowa whispered
to him.
“We’ll make more
arrangements of this kind!” he whispered back as the shuttle started. We
fastened our seatbelts and the shuttle headed towards earth. Soon, I was fast
asleep, leaning against Trowa. I don’t think that is forbidden, since you can’t
tell a sleeping man in which direction he’s supposed to fall. When I woke up, I
immediately searched for his hand, reflex, you know? I just felt myself laying
on him, I didn’t get there were sixty other people around.
“Quatre...” he hissed
through his teeth, as he felt my searching hand, “...stop it, now!”
I bewilderedly blinked up at
him, not understanding why he would refuse me. Then I saw the others and
understood. “Oh yes...” I remembered.
“You are so sweet,
Quatre-kun,” he said quietly, so only I could hear it. “But I am getting more
worried about something else.” I looked at him questioningly and he pointed
slightly to the seats in front of us, trying not to make anyone else but me see
that gesture of his. There were Duo and Heero, both fast asleep. Duo had his
head on Heero’s shoulder, who was sitting on his right, and on Duo’s left,
Wufei was reading a book. Both, Duo’s and Heero’s hands were hanging down in
the space between their seats, fingers intertwined. I quietly threw a shocked
look at Trowa.
“Are they...?” I began.
“I don’t know, but it’s
better if in this frickin’ school nobody sees that!” He gently leaned forward
and tugged on Heero’s shirt. “Hey, Heero-kun!”
Heero blinked his eyes open
and questioningly looked back. Trowa pulled a little on Heero’s arm, trying to
direct his attention towards it. “Heero, not here!” he said. Heero sleepily
looked down on his arms, finding his fingers all crossed with Duo’s. He made
big eyes as Trowa.
“Thanks for waking me, I
didn’t really notice,” he said, carefully withdrawing his hand. Duo moaned some
in his sleep and shifted, but he didn’t wake up. Trowa and I were still gazing
at Heero who re-arranged his position, trying not to disturb Duo. He turned his
head around, just enough to face us.
“Hn. Must have happened
while we slept,” he stated very simply. In that moment, Duo woke up, looking
back to us, wondering what we were talking about. He yawned and stretched.
“Heero-kun, you’ll break your neck if you keep looking back like this!” he said
and knelt down on his own seat, so he could face us over the back of it. He
bewilderedly watched our staring faces.
“What?”
“Duo, we slept with our
fingers hooked together,” Heero said stoically.
“Uh-oh, I see!” he said,
“Explanation time!”
“Hn,” Heero said, turning
back around in his seat, looking out of the window.
“Uh... we share your problem
guys,” Duo said simply.
“Since when?” I asked,
astonished by these news.
“Last week,” he answered,
throwing a smirk at Heero who grumpily stared out of the window. I guess he
didn’t want his little secret to be discovered. Duo rubbed his eyes and yawned
again, as if the world was perfectly normal. We still stared at him, totally
caught by surprise.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” I
asked him, my jaws hanging open.
“Uh... we wanted to see how
it worked, first,” he answered blushing and smiled timidly. “Guess it works
pretty well..” he muttered, with a look on the hand that had been grasping
Heero’s in his sleep. “But Wufei-kun knows,” he added.
Wufei just groaned. “I don’t
care.”
Duo ruffled over Wufei’s
hair. “Be cool, Wufei-kins!”
“HEY! Stop that!”
Duo grinned again at me and
Trowa. I was extremely sorry for him. I remember how upside down things were,
when Trowa and my relationship had started... The first time we had just spent
cuddling and talking, going for walks, sharing secrets and stuff, before we
dared to become more intimate. This process now was mildly disturbed for Heero
and Duo. For a whole horrible week – all that because people were too ignorant
to accept bishounen-ai!
I forgot to say something
about my friend Wufei here... his situation was not much better. You see,
Wufei-kun is married, and... well... it’s funny to say that about a fifteen
year-old, but Wufei’s going to be a daddy soon. His wife Meiran was assigned
for him by his parents, so he couldn’t choose... but they fell in love at first
sight. You should have seen those two, they are so cute together! I have never
seen our grumpy Wufei like this, but when he is with Meiran, they are
constantly cuddling and whispering. Not to mention, what a beautiful girl
Meiran is! So, I could gladly forgive him for his grumpiness on the trip, he
was separated from his pregnant wife, probably concerned about her health and
wanting to know whether she is alright.
As I said, people are
ignorant. You should have seen people look at Wufei when he announced his
marriage! They have something against things out of order - and marriage when
you are only fourteen is one of the things they consider not in order. As well as bihounen-ai, to come back to me and my
Trowa-chan.
When we arrived at the hotel,
the next bad and good thing happened. Wufei, Duo, Heero Trowa and I would share
a room. Unfortunately... someone from Trowa’s class would be in our room, too.
A boy named Siete would bunk with us. Mainly that meant, even at night I
wouldn’t be able to crawl into Trowa’s bed, just like Heero and Duo. This would
be such a hard week! Sleeping next to my beloved and gazing to him from afar,
and I could be certain he would look back just as longing. With heavy hearts we
entered our room and chose our beds. Just to keep anything from “happening, Duo
and Trowa took one of the bunk beds on the window while Heero and I took that
at the door, as far away from each other as possible. I know, it sounds
overreacted... You don’t need to think we would have immediately glomped each
other, sleeping in reach, but we wouldn’t be so longing if we didn’t see each
other at night.
Have I mentioned how oddly
attentive the aristocrats are? You see, in the upper society, where most of
them, unfortunately including myself, belong to, every little thing works over
hints. Affection is expressed through tiny looks, winks, waves with your
finger... Hate through having a different opinion and arguing with it,
superiority through faint smiles and laughter... What I mean to say is, these guys
see hints. These guys watch you and
immediately grow suspicious. It’s like they are all suffering on a
psychological disease... in other words, upper class people are just absolutely
and unpleasantly crazy. That’s why we
had to be careful about even being in the bathroom at the same time too often,
or disappearing, etc. These people are also incredibly nosey. It’s a noble
feature to not let anyone know you are nosey, but to know everything, to have
your spies at hand, or to spy yourself, if you don’t get caught. You don’t
believe me? Well, watch these people. It was a big problem for Duo, when he
first came to our school. He had a lot to learn, to at least partly fit into
that crowd.
If you now think, Wufei,
Duo, Heero, Trowa and I sort of are outcasts, I have to disappoint you.
Everyone gets along with Trowa, everyone likes me, because the girls like me,
and the girls are considered the most important thing in the world by these
people. Probably the reason why we all turned out to be gay... And Duo... once
Duo adjusted his style a little, people couldn’t get enough of him and his
jokes. Everyone likes Duo! They would crown Duo the king of the school if they
had to pick one. Wufei and Heero – they are our pals, that alone is a reason to
like them. They think Wufei’s funny, although he doesn’t try to be, and they
find Heero ‘mysterious’ in an interesting sort of way. So we are liked as nice
fellows, but nobody tries to get really close or join our group. That’s just
okay for us.
Siete was friendly, he took the
bunk bed under Wufei’s at the window. Wufei immediately sat down to write to
Meiran and we were glad, Siete was one of the few people, who didn’t care he
was married. People got used to that, anyway.
The first two day went well
for us. Duo and Heero once were missing in one of the ruins we were visiting,
but since it was nothing but a giant maze, nobody of the over-attentive people
assumed anything. Trowa and I only met once in our room on our own, and
exchanged an intimate kiss on his bunk bed, before Wufei came in and announced,
Siete was on his way to the room.
On the third day, I felt all
crappy and bad. I seriously stopped looking at Trowa, I seriously ached for
him. It’s almost embarrassing to write that, but I really did want to cuddle,
to kiss, and maybe... well, the other stuff lover’s do. I tried not to let it
hang out and succeeded mainly, but as soon as we were in our room, my longing
would catch up with me and put me down into depression. Duo was the same
cheerful clown as ever, just that he avoided any sort of touch with Heero, he
even avoided group work with him. He didn’t really show his misery, or wanting,
or what you may call it, but he was the first one to go to sleep and pull the
blankets all over him – probably to spare Heero the sight of his sleeping body.
Fourth day... life drove me
nuts. We were studying trees in the forest – it was so boring and I ended up
talking with Wufei, who was just as bored. The poor boy definitely needed a
talk about Meiran, and so we spent the day walking behind the whole group,
talking. Trowa and Heero were the only ones walking a few feet behind us,
talking quietly.
Wufei missed Meiran so much,
he almost cried. Whatever Wufei has against women, it stops right in front of
Meiran. He loves her with all his heart, he would die for her. It seems, when
she gets sick, all energy in him awakes just to cure and care for her. I tell
you, you should have seen those two together. I bet all married couples, no
matter how old, would just be jealous. Meiran wasn’t technically sick right
now, but she was in her seventh month and Wufei couldn’t be persuaded that she
would be fine for a week on her own.
On the way back, Trowa
caught up with us. I immediately speeded up a bit, trying to get away. I don’t
know why, I just couldn’t stand his presence any more. I don’t know whether I
feared my own reactions, his, or whether - it just hurt. Trowa had made up his
mind to talk to me. The whole group was so split up, it was an opportunity. I
feared that talk and kept on talking to Wufei, trying not to leave any break
for Trowa to interfere. I tell you, I don’t know what I was afraid if, but I
was! Trowa eventually caught up with us.
“Mind leaving us for a bit,
Wufei?” he asked immediately.
“Trowa. We are having a
conversation,” I said, almost darkly.
“I don’t mind, really,”
Wufei said, and went ahead of us towards Siete and his friends, intending to
either walk quietly next to him and think, I guess, or to join in their
conversation.
“Quatre, what the hell is
wrong with you?” Trowa asked, as soon as Wufei had disappeared.
“What? Nothing,” I said,
trying not to look at him which perfectly told him, that I was lying.
“Quatre-kun,...” he said, a
whole lot of disappointment in his voice. He had a right to be disappointed. I
had just lied to him, I refused to let him help me, although I felt bad for
some reason. And I had always trusted him. He should have yelled at me, that I
tortured him so much, but instead there was only this disappointment, which was
more painful than being yelled at. I expected a moment of quiet walking, but
Trowa had decided to talk to me, and picked it up again.
“Can I help you somehow,
Quatre-kun?”
“Uh-no...” I shook my head.
“Hey...” he gently poked my
shoulder and I winced away, the touch stinging as it flashed through my body.
“N..nuh...”
“It’s hard to see you
struggling like this, Quatre. It’s hard for me, too. Don’t you think I want to
cuddle you, too, want to lay next to you? We can’t keep it up like that, you
are making it worse. I don’t want to see you unhappy. I love your smiling
face,” it took him a lot to talk to me like that.
“Trowa, stop it,... please,”
I said, with true pain in my voice.
“Mizu Me...”
“No, please. I feel so bad,”
I pressed out. “It’s like you are miles away. It’s like the time you weren’t my
koi and I just watched you. Trowa, this is so weird. I know you are mine, and
yet, I feel as if you weren’t there for me.”
“Hey, Quatre. I’ll always be
there. Remember when we would just walk through the forest, tell us anecdotes
and laugh? Why can’t it be like that?” he asked friendly.
“Nani?”
“Why do we need to long for
something more intimate, when a few month ago, we were happy without that?”
I blushed at that. It was
true. Wasn’t there anything else filling out our life than.. well... sex? There
had always been. But then, that was not what I was longing for. What I wanted
was that cuddling, that kissing, that privacy. Just talking with him. Truly, we
couldn’t walk around and tell us anecdotes and laugh, just because it was
already out of order and people would
get suspicious. Trowa had to know that.
“We can’t even do that,” I
said dryly. “Trowa, please, leave me. I can’t explain right now, but I feel
better when you are not close.”
Trowa looked at me, not
understanding in the least, that’s why it hurt him. “I know it is hard,” he
said, “it is hard for me, too,” - bitterness in his voice, and then he added
anger to it, “but it’s no reason to brush me aside like that.” He stepped ahead
of me and disappeared, leaving me alone. I moved a hand to my mouth and bit it,
to prevent the tears.
You have to know, I have
never ever fought with him. I can’t remember him ever yelling at me. He hadn’t
practically yelled, but he would have if there hadn’t been sixty people around
us. I wiped my nose and kept on walking, watching Trowa as he disappeared in
the crowd ahead of me, proceeding to the front to be far, far away.
Heero had watched the whole
scene, since he had been at the back of the whole crowd, right behind me and
Trowa. He caught up with me now and quietly walked next to me. When we came to
an old tree, the group stopped and the teacher gave some explanations. Trowa
stood somewhere on the left, while me and Heero waited on the right of the
group. I sent some gazes in his direction, but he didn’t even look at me. It
hurt. Duo strolled over, quickly.
“I wonder how long this
crazy journey is going on,” he said relaxed, “I want to go home. I hate trees.”
Heero shot him a smirk. “You
know, Duo, trees are very patient. That’s quite a good feature,” he said. Duo stuck
his tongue out.
“Okay, I am going,” Duo said
and tiptoed over to a group of girls, effectively tackling them from behind,
and laughing his head off as they screamed. I slowly got the picture. Heero and
Duo must have made an agreement or something. They both kept away from each other, just to endure the torture. And
they seemed quite well, after all. Why couldn’t Trowa and I, though? Why did
Trowa have to be such a nuisance, when I tried to keep away from him? I
clenched my fist as the group started to proceed. It was all unfair.
Heero was still at my side.
He laid a hand on my fist and stroke it gently. I looked up at him.
“Do you understand Trowa?”
he simply asked.
I looked puzzled and
contemplated that question. I hadn’t even tried, to be true. Sure, he was
eright, I was making it a little uncomfortable, if I kept away from him, but it
was the best thing to do. Couldn’t he see, it was easier that way? I told him I
needed to be alone... yes, I did understand it was painful, but we had to keep
control. I did understand his heart was against it, so was mine, but he
wouldn’t loose me, I was there... still. And we’d return to normal after this
stupid trip... if he still wanted...
He didn’t understand me. Watching him - it hurt so much! I
don’t know whether anyone can understand that pain, because it seems so
senseless... but it is true: It’s as if he had dumped me – as if I would look
at him and know he didn’t like me anymore. I can’t tell you, why it was so bad
for me, or why I thought so stupidly, but it was exactly how I felt. Now even
more, when he refused to look at me.
Heero was still quietly
walking next to me.
“Why can’t we go through
this like you and Duo?” I asked, sniffing a little.
“Because you are Trowa and
Quatre. You need your own solution.” It was all he said to me, the whole rest
of the journey back home was quiet. It was late when we came back. We ate on
different tables and I merrily chatted with some people, to not make them
suspicious about my heart throbbing pain. I was sitting with my back to Trowa,
and I longed to turn around and just look at him. Keeping up this cheerfulness
was exhausting, but also a bit distracting, which was good.
Trowa passed me as I left
the dining room and he had just gotten a jar of juice for his table to share.
As he passed me he turned his head and whispered harshly: “At least you are happy,” referring to my giggling
on the table. It pierced my heart, I widened my eyes in shock as he passed by.
He didn’t mean that, did he? Did he really think I was happy? Did he really
want to use his voice to hurt me – go against me? And yet, he had sounded tortured! He really thought I was mad at him, and
therefore he was mad at me. Trowa was mad at me!!! He had never ever been... he
hated me...
I returned to our room, instantly
changed into my pajamas, ignoring Wufei, writing his letter. Trowa, Siete, Duo
and Heero came in as I brushed my teeth. Through the mirror I could see emerald
eyes shooting me an angry glare. It hurt. I bent down to hide my face and
cleared my mouth. Wordlessly I went to sleep, crawling up in the top of the
bunk bed and hiding under the covers. The others were sleeping soon, too. I
couldn’t fall asleep. I held my head in my crossed arms on the pillow and
waited for sleep, which wouldn’t come.
Trowa was mad at me, this
journey was crappy and these glares, these eyes just hurt. What would be when
this trip was over? Would he still hate me? Would he forgive me? Would he dump
me? I silently began to sob into my pillow. The others were asleep, nobody would
hear. I kept on sobbing a little, it felt good. It felt like it would help me
some, which it probably didn’t. He was mad at me... what had I done?
Something caressed my back,
I kept sobbing. I didn’t care who it was, really. Even Siete had a heart for
someone crying, even enough to not ask why. I was quite shocked, though, when I
heard a familiar voice.
“Mizu Me...”
I stopped sobbing.
“T-trowa-chan....”
“I’m sorry, Mizu Me, I
didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you
either.” I sat up and let myself be embraced. The bed was just high enough for
him to reach under my arms.
“This all so confusing,” I
said.
“I never wanted to fight
with you,” he answered, nuzzling me, before he carefully picked me up and
pulled me into his arms. I gladly took the invitation. He carried me outside of
our room and we sat down in a corner of the hall, which was empty and silent by
now. He held me close and kissed my cheek. Still, old tears were leaking out of
my eyes, I couldn’t really stop it.
“Mizu Me... stop crying,
please,” he gently slid his hand over my side. “When you started crying, I
finally tried to understand you. I just couldn’t bear you wouldn’t want to have
anything to do with me. I thought I had done something wrong.”
“No, Trowa. It was me who
did something wrong. I was so worried about how this trip was supposed to work
out, that I forgot, the easiest way would be just to make it fun, instead of
worrying about when we could be as close again as before.”
“Now that’s a cool
suggestion from our Quatre-kun, don’t ya think? Make it fun!” a voice came from
behind us and a hand grasped my shoulder. Instantly Trowa and I forced each
other apart. The one behind us was nobody else but Duo, who grinned in our
faces. “That area was reserved, didn’t you know?” he said, pointing at the
corner we were sitting in. Heero poked out behind from him, holding his hands
to Duo’s hips. Duo just looked too funny in his striped pajamas. Trowa, knowing
these two were no harm, enclosed me in his arms again.
“Nice to know you two are
well again,” Heero said in his monotone voice, but he meant it.
“If you’d now clear out our
space...” Duo demanded.
“Your space?” Trowa asked,
not moving the slightest bit, but nuzzling my neck.
“Hmph!” Duo tapped his foot.
“We’ve been coming here for three nights, so we can rightfully claim this is ours!” He threw his head back, sending
the braid flying into Heero’s face, who instantly grabbed and pulled it.
“ITAI!” Duo exclaimed,
shooting an angry look at Heero. Heero just smirked and pulled him on the braid
to a seat right next to us. “Don’t make such a fuss, Duo,” he said before he
grabbed and kissed him. Trowa blinked at me, and I blinked back. I had very
well understood, now...
“That’s how you’ve been
enduring your stay here? That’s why you went to bed so early... that’s why you
keep away from him?” I babbled.
Duo and Heero broke the
kiss, Duo raised an annoyed eyebrow at me. “Sure... there was always something
to patiently wait for...” he eyed
Heero as he said so. “Makes the days interesting.”
Why hadn’t I thought of
something like that? Duo and Heero didn’t get onto each other’s nerves the
whole day and simply met at night for a bit, sharing their affection. The next
day they could already anticipate the next night, and so on... It all seemed
such an easy circle, and so nice... and they were fresh lovers. Trowa and I...
we had been together for quite a while and didn’t figure out something as
simple as this? I watched Heero and Duo kissing, as the thoughts tumbled over
me. Trowa grabbed my chin and turned me away.
“Don’t just watch it...” he
said and kissed me. I relaxed and kissed back. Still, while I was doing so, I
wondered, whether Duo and Heero really just met here each night and instantly
started kissing. It sounded a bit strange to me. Trowa moved a gentle hand over
my tummy, distracting me from my thoughts. My mind concentrated on our touching
tongues.
When we had finally stilled
our little hunger for each other, and broke away panting, Duo and Heero had
already sat next to each other and were watching us. I blushed intensely as I
noticed that.
“Quatre? Embarrassed?” Duo
giggled. And then we all laughed. I cuddled to Trowa and smiled.
“That was quite cute,” Trowa
said to Heero and Duo.
“You were cute, too,
thanks!” Duo answered and slid his arm around Heero, clearly stating that the
Japanese was his property.
We spent the night talking,
from yaoi couple to yaoi couple, if you like it put that way. Heero and Duo
hadn’t crossed the kissing line yet, they had much to talk about, much too
discover about each other first. To be frank, and we didn’t tell them much
about our lines but that we had crossed that kissing one a long while ago.
Heero raised an interested eye at this. That was all the intimacy of our
conversation before we went back to bed to get at least a few hours of sleep.
You can guess life on the
trip was easier now. Trowa and I even made ourselves look like best friends
again in front of the others. Duo cautiously kept away from Heero, though, just
in case. Leaves one thing to be mentioned. On the last night, Wufei came
stumbling out in his pajamas, rubbing his eyes and found us in our corner. He
had been missing us, as he found our beds empty. We invited him to sit down in
the middle of us and he did, yawning.
“What the hell are you doing
out here?”
“Cuddling,” I said.
“Hm...” he answered
grumpily.
“Why are you up, anyway?”
Duo asked.
“Thinking about Meiran.”
“Awww... Wufei-kun!” I said
and laid my head on his shoulder. Duo laid his head on the other one.
“What the heck are you
doing?”
“Tell us something about
Meiran!” I said, grinning up to him from his shoulder. His eyes visibly lit up
and he smiled, as he began talking about how wonderful she was to him. It was
so sweet to listen, he totally got carried away. So we sat there, all five of us
huddled together until Trowa signed it was time to go to sleep. Poor Siete was
sleeping peacefully in his bed, not knowing about anything going on. Before I
fell asleep, I quickly got up again and strolled over to Trowa’s bed, kissing
his cheek. He opened his eyes in surprise.
“Hey, Trowa-chan, we’ll be
back home tomorrow! Suki desu,” I smiled and hugged him before I climbed up
into my own bed. Don’t ask me why I did this, I just had to.
Should I have learned
anything from this story? I definitely have. The one thing I learned, was that
there is no reason to fight with Trowa, not for any pain, because there is
nothing that is worse than being mad at each other. It means inflicting pain on
yourself as well as on the other, and who would want to do that?
The other thing I learned, is that before you grieve about problems – such that occur to be some – and feel helpless, search for the easiest solution. It might not be the most effective or satisfying, but it is a solution. And after that, you can search for more.
Sincerely,
Quatre R.
Winner