Hello, my name is Quatre R. Winner. I don’t even know why I am writing this down, but sometimes people like me just feel like writing I guess – or just typing their fingers off... Geez, I haven’t written anything for myself for ages. I’m a busy little aristocrat you have to know. Oh, I should introduce myself. I am a young Arabian (15, to be exact), and believe it or not, I am blond and have blue eyes, which is perfectly normal!!! (Ever heard of Berbers? They were my ancestors).
I am going the wrong direction here, anyway. What I was going to write about was a school trip. You see, people like me and my friends go to a school were you amazingly have to wear white suits (skirts for the girls), you always need to behave and be properly dressed. No kissing on the corridor, no misbehaving, show your manners. Sounds like a prison, but you need to understand, that they are just trying to prepare us for a life, we should have when we go to that school, the life of rich people; the life of snobs, if you will However, some of my friends at this school are not rich, but there are other reasons they go there. Reasons I won’t explain here.
There is Heero for example, a quiet, almost scary type who trusts only himself and isn’t afraid of anything. And there’s Duo Maxwell, an orphan, always funny, always happy. There are a hundred special things about him, like his long, chestnut-colored braid, his black fashion and the fact that he refers to himself as the “shinigami”. And there’s my Chinese friend Wufei, who has it in for justice and honor. He hates women and weaklings, don’t ask me. And finally, finally there’s Trowa, my boyfriend. Trowa is stoic and quiet, almost always knows what to do and almost always is there for me. He has emerald colored eyes, long brown bangs and is a bit taller than me. He’s helping out at a circus when he’s got the time, because his sister works there. He looks great in our white school uniform. And that is where the problem begins.
You can just imagine all those aristocratic snobs (would I be considered one of them?) and their attitudes. Yaoi or Yuri? Nah! It’s a big taboo in this school. So what do I and Trowa do? Behave normal, because if anyone catches up what is wrong with us, we would be teased and lectured. I don’t really understand why people just don’t understand that love goes the way it goes, and there’s nothing wrong with is. In fact, I could almost claim I am not homosexual, because I don’t care about other boys. I only love Trowa and he feels the same for me. The teachers freak out if you hug anyone on the corridors and the students freak out when that one’s your gender.
It hasn’t been a problem, although I can hardly keep away from Trowa, but I can control myself. I have him after school and I have him – I admit that – at night for myself. And Wufei, Duo and Heero don’t mind our relationship at all. So, we go to school as friends, making the impression of two guys who just get along well. A few hours in school are not too bad. The easiest thing about that is, that Trowa and I only share two classes. See, he’s one grade up, so we have different classes. Due to some certain circumstances, I happen to share calculus and computer science with Trowa. They moved us, Duo, Heero and Wufei, one grade up for that. So in calculus Trowa-chan and I sit next to each other and in computer science we work on the same machine. And that is really difficult. Call me a horny teenager if you like, but when you spend five hours thinking about one person and you happen to sit next to him, feeling his body heat, feeling his breath, try to control yourself! Not to mention we never get what’s going on in calculus or computer science classes... We have Heero, Duo and Wufei tell us what happened later on. Trowa is the mean one of us two, though. Bite me, but I think it’s mean to sit on the computer and have Trowa ‘accidentally’ put his arm around my chair and brush my... hips. I usually hiss at him to not do that in class, and he give me of these incredible smiles, nobody can really resist. Trowa doesn’t smile very often, that is. Only to me, to be quite frank, and sometimes when it’s only me and the other guys around. So, what happens is, that I blush and fix my eyes on the screen until the teacher passes by and Trowa withdraws his arm.
Ah, I am writing quite some nonsense here. It all grew pretty much a problem, when our teacher announced, we would have a trip to some town on earth with some classes. Duo immediately asked who ‘some classes’ were, and we found out that our whole grade would go as well as Trowa’s. You see, they think these one-week school trips are educational, when they in fact only make students chill and relax or celebrate all night. They have no educational worth whatsaoever...
I understand if you don’t understand, but hell, keeping away from Trowa for a whole week was sheer impossible. What do you expect? I am a fifteen year old boy, I never have loved so overwhelming, and the things I and Trowa share... let’s say, it feels so good just to cuddle with him, that I cannot keep from it. Everything aches and draws me close to him. Duo and Heero exchanged glances at the thought of that trip and then synchronically looked at me smiling.
“Funny, really. I cannot pretend he is just my friend for two weeks,” I whispered. Duo narrowed his eyes, contemplating that thought, and finally deciding that I must be right. He shrugged at me, telling me I would just have to. The alternative would have been just to not go on that trip, but a week without Trowa seemed equally horrible. Absently I started scribbling on my pad, until the bell rang for lunch break. As usually we met on our table and as usually, Trowa already was there, having brought something to eat for us both. He classroom is just closer to the lunch area than mine. So, while Wufei, Duo and Heero were still getting something to eat, me and Trowa occupied the table on our own.
“Mizu Me,” he said - that’s what he calls me when nobody else listens - and a slight smile, the one only I can see, crossed his face. He handed me my food and I thanked him.
“Had a fine day?” he asked, sitting down next to me. You see, the lunch table is the only place we can sit down and let our bodies touch without problems, because there’s no room, we all have to squeeze together. Don’t ask me why, that school is rich, but they don’t intend to buy any new lunch furniture so you can eat comfortably. Not that I would mind...
“Uh...” I said, opening a box of salad, “did you hear about the trip?”
Trowa’s eyes narrowed in concern, I didn’t see him, since he sat next to me, but judging from his voice, they did. “Yeah. We’re both participating,” he said. No more words needed, he was just thinking the same I did. How would we keep to ourselves one week?
“Um... Maybe I should just stay home?” I asked.
“The trip is paid by the school, they don’t let you stay home if you don’t have a serious reason. Besides, I wouldn’t want to miss you, either.”
“But... Trowa... one week so close. I don’t think we can-”
“I know,” he said, dropping his fork accidentally. You know, Trowa never drops anything. It was a serious sign that he was in rage or nervous or something like that.
“Dammit... we just have to, maybe we can just meet some time secretly and at least... um.. cuddle, you know?” he said trying to comfort himself and me. Trowa’s so sweet. He just sounded like a caring father to me in that moment and it made me smile.
“Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t be so pessimistic. Isn’t like me, anyway.”
“Mh-mh. Mizu Me...” and there was an undeniable longing in his voice, which made me blush. It was just then when Duo plopped down across from me and Heero next to him. Wufei occupied the head of the small table on the wall. Duo grinned at me, wordlessly.
“What?” I asked annoyedly.
“You’re all flushed,” he just said, his gaze wandering to Trowa. Trowa just kept picking in his salad, as if he had not heard Duo. Duo snickered and chomped his sandwich. “Were you discussing the school trip?” he asked, once he had swallowed. Trowa groaned. Heero laid a hand on Duo’s to get his attention. Duo looked at him and read in Heero’s gaze that he was supposed to keep quiet.
“We were discussing the school trip,” I said calmly. “I am not an actor, I can’t hide my feelings constantly.”
“I am sure, we can arrange you some privacy,” Heero said. We dismissed the subject, not wanting to really talk about it anyway.
Before we even noticed it, Trowa and I stood in front of this huge shuttle, next to our suitcases and entered. I’ll be honest, we had spent the night before together, but there had been an a bad atmosphere around, thinking about this school trip. There were sixty other students around, including Duo, Heero and Wufei, who threw their bags into the trunk. We followed them, not really happy about what we were doing. Trowa closed the trunk, since we were the last ones to fit something in there. The headmistress was calling down the class lists.
And so on... She went through our grade and then to the higher ones.
“Trowa Barton?” No reply. A second ago he had been next to me, where was he now?
“Um... he went to wash his hands,” Duo said, “the trunk was dirty.”
“Get him, please, we need to depart,” she said. Duo groaned, “what am I, the get-lost-students-service?” but then he smiled at me, “You go.”
“Huh?” I asked, but turned around walking back towards the school and the bathrooms. I found Trowa on the sink, scrubbing the black stuff from his hand, which had been on the shuttle. He looked up as I entered. “Mizu Me!” he smiled.
“We need to go. I was sent to get you.”
Trowa dried his hands and nodded. “I told Duo to let you go and get me,” he admitted.
“Nani?” I said, as he came towards me.
“This is going to be so long,” he said and wrapped me in his arms. I tilted my head back so our lips could meet. We exchanged a loving kiss, enjoying it and holding on to the moment. My stomach leaped in that wonderful feeling this gave me. I followed his mouth as he pulled away, not wanting to let go. He gave me on last, quick kiss, but didn’t succumb to my pleading any further.
“They are waiting,” he said and turned me towards the door, untwining us. He followed behind me, keeping some distance to me. We quickly entered the shuttle, everyone else was already seated.
“Sorry, I had problems scrubbing the oil off of my hands. The trunk was a little dirty.”
The headmistress acknowledged that and we sat down behind Heero, Duo and Wufei, next to an empty seat. Duo grinned at me broadly. I smacked him a little, for that inaudible comment.
“Thank you,” Trowa whispered to him.
“We’ll make more arrangements of this kind!” he whispered back as the shuttle started. We fastened our seatbelts and the shuttle headed towards earth. Soon, I was fast asleep, leaning against Trowa. I don’t think that is forbidden, since you can’t tell a sleeping man in which direction he’s supposed to fall. When I woke up, I immediately searched for his hand, reflex, you know? I just felt myself laying on him, I didn’t get there were sixty other people around.
“Quatre...” he hissed through his teeth, as he felt my searching hand, “...stop it, now!”
I bewilderedly blinked up at him, not understanding why he would refuse me. Then I saw the others and understood. “Oh yes...” I remembered.
“You are so sweet, Quatre-kun,” he said quietly, so only I could hear it. “But I am getting more worried about something else.” I looked at him questioningly and he pointed slightly to the seats in front of us, trying not to make anyone else but me see that gesture of his. There were Duo and Heero, both fast asleep. Duo had his head on Heero’s shoulder, who was sitting on his right, and on Duo’s left, Wufei was reading a book. Both, Duo’s and Heero’s hands were hanging down in the space between their seats, fingers intertwined. I quietly threw a shocked look at Trowa.
“Are they...?” I began.
“I don’t know, but it’s better if in this frickin’ school nobody sees that!” He gently leaned forward and tugged on Heero’s shirt. “Hey, Heero-kun!”
Heero blinked his eyes open and questioningly looked back. Trowa pulled a little on Heero’s arm, trying to direct his attention towards it. “Heero, not here!” he said. Heero sleepily looked down on his arms, finding his fingers all crossed with Duo’s. He made big eyes as Trowa.
“Thanks for waking me, I didn’t really notice,” he said, carefully withdrawing his hand. Duo moaned some in his sleep and shifted, but he didn’t wake up. Trowa and I were still gazing at Heero who re-arranged his position, trying not to disturb Duo. He turned his head around, just enough to face us.
“Hn. Must have happened while we slept,” he stated very simply. In that moment, Duo woke up, looking back to us, wondering what we were talking about. He yawned and stretched. “Heero-kun, you’ll break your neck if you keep looking back like this!” he said and knelt down on his own seat, so he could face us over the back of it. He bewilderedly watched our staring faces.
“Duo, we slept with our fingers hooked together,” Heero said stoically.
“Uh-oh, I see!” he said, “Explanation time!”
“Hn,” Heero said, turning back around in his seat, looking out of the window.
“Uh... we share your problem guys,” Duo said simply.
“Since when?” I asked, astonished by these news.
“Last week,” he answered, throwing a smirk at Heero who grumpily stared out of the window. I guess he didn’t want his little secret to be discovered. Duo rubbed his eyes and yawned again, as if the world was perfectly normal. We still stared at him, totally caught by surprise.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” I asked him, my jaws hanging open.
“Uh... we wanted to see how it worked, first,” he answered blushing and smiled timidly. “Guess it works pretty well..” he muttered, with a look on the hand that had been grasping Heero’s in his sleep. “But Wufei-kun knows,” he added.
Wufei just groaned. “I don’t care.”
Duo ruffled over Wufei’s hair. “Be cool, Wufei-kins!”
“HEY! Stop that!”
Duo grinned again at me and Trowa. I was extremely sorry for him. I remember how upside down things were, when Trowa and my relationship had started... The first time we had just spent cuddling and talking, going for walks, sharing secrets and stuff, before we dared to become more intimate. This process now was mildly disturbed for Heero and Duo. For a whole horrible week – all that because people were too ignorant to accept bishounen-ai!
I forgot to say something about my friend Wufei here... his situation was not much better. You see, Wufei-kun is married, and... well... it’s funny to say that about a fifteen year-old, but Wufei’s going to be a daddy soon. His wife Meiran was assigned for him by his parents, so he couldn’t choose... but they fell in love at first sight. You should have seen those two, they are so cute together! I have never seen our grumpy Wufei like this, but when he is with Meiran, they are constantly cuddling and whispering. Not to mention, what a beautiful girl Meiran is! So, I could gladly forgive him for his grumpiness on the trip, he was separated from his pregnant wife, probably concerned about her health and wanting to know whether she is alright.
As I said, people are ignorant. You should have seen people look at Wufei when he announced his marriage! They have something against things out of order - and marriage when you are only fourteen is one of the things they consider not in order. As well as bihounen-ai, to come back to me and my Trowa-chan.
When we arrived at the hotel, the next bad and good thing happened. Wufei, Duo, Heero Trowa and I would share a room. Unfortunately... someone from Trowa’s class would be in our room, too. A boy named Siete would bunk with us. Mainly that meant, even at night I wouldn’t be able to crawl into Trowa’s bed, just like Heero and Duo. This would be such a hard week! Sleeping next to my beloved and gazing to him from afar, and I could be certain he would look back just as longing. With heavy hearts we entered our room and chose our beds. Just to keep anything from “happening, Duo and Trowa took one of the bunk beds on the window while Heero and I took that at the door, as far away from each other as possible. I know, it sounds overreacted... You don’t need to think we would have immediately glomped each other, sleeping in reach, but we wouldn’t be so longing if we didn’t see each other at night.
Have I mentioned how oddly attentive the aristocrats are? You see, in the upper society, where most of them, unfortunately including myself, belong to, every little thing works over hints. Affection is expressed through tiny looks, winks, waves with your finger... Hate through having a different opinion and arguing with it, superiority through faint smiles and laughter... What I mean to say is, these guys see hints. These guys watch you and immediately grow suspicious. It’s like they are all suffering on a psychological disease... in other words, upper class people are just absolutely and unpleasantly crazy. That’s why we had to be careful about even being in the bathroom at the same time too often, or disappearing, etc. These people are also incredibly nosey. It’s a noble feature to not let anyone know you are nosey, but to know everything, to have your spies at hand, or to spy yourself, if you don’t get caught. You don’t believe me? Well, watch these people. It was a big problem for Duo, when he first came to our school. He had a lot to learn, to at least partly fit into that crowd.
If you now think, Wufei, Duo, Heero, Trowa and I sort of are outcasts, I have to disappoint you. Everyone gets along with Trowa, everyone likes me, because the girls like me, and the girls are considered the most important thing in the world by these people. Probably the reason why we all turned out to be gay... And Duo... once Duo adjusted his style a little, people couldn’t get enough of him and his jokes. Everyone likes Duo! They would crown Duo the king of the school if they had to pick one. Wufei and Heero – they are our pals, that alone is a reason to like them. They think Wufei’s funny, although he doesn’t try to be, and they find Heero ‘mysterious’ in an interesting sort of way. So we are liked as nice fellows, but nobody tries to get really close or join our group. That’s just okay for us.
Siete was friendly, he took the bunk bed under Wufei’s at the window. Wufei immediately sat down to write to Meiran and we were glad, Siete was one of the few people, who didn’t care he was married. People got used to that, anyway.
The first two day went well for us. Duo and Heero once were missing in one of the ruins we were visiting, but since it was nothing but a giant maze, nobody of the over-attentive people assumed anything. Trowa and I only met once in our room on our own, and exchanged an intimate kiss on his bunk bed, before Wufei came in and announced, Siete was on his way to the room.
On the third day, I felt all crappy and bad. I seriously stopped looking at Trowa, I seriously ached for him. It’s almost embarrassing to write that, but I really did want to cuddle, to kiss, and maybe... well, the other stuff lover’s do. I tried not to let it hang out and succeeded mainly, but as soon as we were in our room, my longing would catch up with me and put me down into depression. Duo was the same cheerful clown as ever, just that he avoided any sort of touch with Heero, he even avoided group work with him. He didn’t really show his misery, or wanting, or what you may call it, but he was the first one to go to sleep and pull the blankets all over him – probably to spare Heero the sight of his sleeping body.
Fourth day... life drove me nuts. We were studying trees in the forest – it was so boring and I ended up talking with Wufei, who was just as bored. The poor boy definitely needed a talk about Meiran, and so we spent the day walking behind the whole group, talking. Trowa and Heero were the only ones walking a few feet behind us, talking quietly.
Wufei missed Meiran so much, he almost cried. Whatever Wufei has against women, it stops right in front of Meiran. He loves her with all his heart, he would die for her. It seems, when she gets sick, all energy in him awakes just to cure and care for her. I tell you, you should have seen those two together. I bet all married couples, no matter how old, would just be jealous. Meiran wasn’t technically sick right now, but she was in her seventh month and Wufei couldn’t be persuaded that she would be fine for a week on her own.
On the way back, Trowa caught up with us. I immediately speeded up a bit, trying to get away. I don’t know why, I just couldn’t stand his presence any more. I don’t know whether I feared my own reactions, his, or whether - it just hurt. Trowa had made up his mind to talk to me. The whole group was so split up, it was an opportunity. I feared that talk and kept on talking to Wufei, trying not to leave any break for Trowa to interfere. I tell you, I don’t know what I was afraid if, but I was! Trowa eventually caught up with us.
“Mind leaving us for a bit, Wufei?” he asked immediately.
“Trowa. We are having a conversation,” I said, almost darkly.
“I don’t mind, really,” Wufei said, and went ahead of us towards Siete and his friends, intending to either walk quietly next to him and think, I guess, or to join in their conversation.
“Quatre, what the hell is wrong with you?” Trowa asked, as soon as Wufei had disappeared.
“What? Nothing,” I said, trying not to look at him which perfectly told him, that I was lying.
“Quatre-kun,...” he said, a whole lot of disappointment in his voice. He had a right to be disappointed. I had just lied to him, I refused to let him help me, although I felt bad for some reason. And I had always trusted him. He should have yelled at me, that I tortured him so much, but instead there was only this disappointment, which was more painful than being yelled at. I expected a moment of quiet walking, but Trowa had decided to talk to me, and picked it up again.
“Can I help you somehow, Quatre-kun?”
“Uh-no...” I shook my head.
“Hey...” he gently poked my shoulder and I winced away, the touch stinging as it flashed through my body.
“It’s hard to see you struggling like this, Quatre. It’s hard for me, too. Don’t you think I want to cuddle you, too, want to lay next to you? We can’t keep it up like that, you are making it worse. I don’t want to see you unhappy. I love your smiling face,” it took him a lot to talk to me like that.
“Trowa, stop it,... please,” I said, with true pain in my voice.
“No, please. I feel so bad,” I pressed out. “It’s like you are miles away. It’s like the time you weren’t my koi and I just watched you. Trowa, this is so weird. I know you are mine, and yet, I feel as if you weren’t there for me.”
“Hey, Quatre. I’ll always be there. Remember when we would just walk through the forest, tell us anecdotes and laugh? Why can’t it be like that?” he asked friendly.
“Why do we need to long for something more intimate, when a few month ago, we were happy without that?”
I blushed at that. It was true. Wasn’t there anything else filling out our life than.. well... sex? There had always been. But then, that was not what I was longing for. What I wanted was that cuddling, that kissing, that privacy. Just talking with him. Truly, we couldn’t walk around and tell us anecdotes and laugh, just because it was already out of order and people would get suspicious. Trowa had to know that.
“We can’t even do that,” I said dryly. “Trowa, please, leave me. I can’t explain right now, but I feel better when you are not close.”
Trowa looked at me, not understanding in the least, that’s why it hurt him. “I know it is hard,” he said, “it is hard for me, too,” - bitterness in his voice, and then he added anger to it, “but it’s no reason to brush me aside like that.” He stepped ahead of me and disappeared, leaving me alone. I moved a hand to my mouth and bit it, to prevent the tears.
You have to know, I have never ever fought with him. I can’t remember him ever yelling at me. He hadn’t practically yelled, but he would have if there hadn’t been sixty people around us. I wiped my nose and kept on walking, watching Trowa as he disappeared in the crowd ahead of me, proceeding to the front to be far, far away.
Heero had watched the whole scene, since he had been at the back of the whole crowd, right behind me and Trowa. He caught up with me now and quietly walked next to me. When we came to an old tree, the group stopped and the teacher gave some explanations. Trowa stood somewhere on the left, while me and Heero waited on the right of the group. I sent some gazes in his direction, but he didn’t even look at me. It hurt. Duo strolled over, quickly.
“I wonder how long this crazy journey is going on,” he said relaxed, “I want to go home. I hate trees.”
Heero shot him a smirk. “You know, Duo, trees are very patient. That’s quite a good feature,” he said. Duo stuck his tongue out.
“Okay, I am going,” Duo said and tiptoed over to a group of girls, effectively tackling them from behind, and laughing his head off as they screamed. I slowly got the picture. Heero and Duo must have made an agreement or something. They both kept away from each other, just to endure the torture. And they seemed quite well, after all. Why couldn’t Trowa and I, though? Why did Trowa have to be such a nuisance, when I tried to keep away from him? I clenched my fist as the group started to proceed. It was all unfair.
Heero was still at my side. He laid a hand on my fist and stroke it gently. I looked up at him.
“Do you understand Trowa?” he simply asked.
I looked puzzled and contemplated that question. I hadn’t even tried, to be true. Sure, he was eright, I was making it a little uncomfortable, if I kept away from him, but it was the best thing to do. Couldn’t he see, it was easier that way? I told him I needed to be alone... yes, I did understand it was painful, but we had to keep control. I did understand his heart was against it, so was mine, but he wouldn’t loose me, I was there... still. And we’d return to normal after this stupid trip... if he still wanted...
He didn’t understand me. Watching him - it hurt so much! I don’t know whether anyone can understand that pain, because it seems so senseless... but it is true: It’s as if he had dumped me – as if I would look at him and know he didn’t like me anymore. I can’t tell you, why it was so bad for me, or why I thought so stupidly, but it was exactly how I felt. Now even more, when he refused to look at me.
Heero was still quietly walking next to me.
“Why can’t we go through this like you and Duo?” I asked, sniffing a little.
“Because you are Trowa and Quatre. You need your own solution.” It was all he said to me, the whole rest of the journey back home was quiet. It was late when we came back. We ate on different tables and I merrily chatted with some people, to not make them suspicious about my heart throbbing pain. I was sitting with my back to Trowa, and I longed to turn around and just look at him. Keeping up this cheerfulness was exhausting, but also a bit distracting, which was good.
Trowa passed me as I left the dining room and he had just gotten a jar of juice for his table to share. As he passed me he turned his head and whispered harshly: “At least you are happy,” referring to my giggling on the table. It pierced my heart, I widened my eyes in shock as he passed by. He didn’t mean that, did he? Did he really think I was happy? Did he really want to use his voice to hurt me – go against me? And yet, he had sounded tortured! He really thought I was mad at him, and therefore he was mad at me. Trowa was mad at me!!! He had never ever been... he hated me...
I returned to our room, instantly changed into my pajamas, ignoring Wufei, writing his letter. Trowa, Siete, Duo and Heero came in as I brushed my teeth. Through the mirror I could see emerald eyes shooting me an angry glare. It hurt. I bent down to hide my face and cleared my mouth. Wordlessly I went to sleep, crawling up in the top of the bunk bed and hiding under the covers. The others were sleeping soon, too. I couldn’t fall asleep. I held my head in my crossed arms on the pillow and waited for sleep, which wouldn’t come.
Trowa was mad at me, this journey was crappy and these glares, these eyes just hurt. What would be when this trip was over? Would he still hate me? Would he forgive me? Would he dump me? I silently began to sob into my pillow. The others were asleep, nobody would hear. I kept on sobbing a little, it felt good. It felt like it would help me some, which it probably didn’t. He was mad at me... what had I done?
Something caressed my back, I kept sobbing. I didn’t care who it was, really. Even Siete had a heart for someone crying, even enough to not ask why. I was quite shocked, though, when I heard a familiar voice.
I stopped sobbing.
“I’m sorry, Mizu Me, I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you either.” I sat up and let myself be embraced. The bed was just high enough for him to reach under my arms.
“This all so confusing,” I said.
“I never wanted to fight with you,” he answered, nuzzling me, before he carefully picked me up and pulled me into his arms. I gladly took the invitation. He carried me outside of our room and we sat down in a corner of the hall, which was empty and silent by now. He held me close and kissed my cheek. Still, old tears were leaking out of my eyes, I couldn’t really stop it.
“Mizu Me... stop crying, please,” he gently slid his hand over my side. “When you started crying, I finally tried to understand you. I just couldn’t bear you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me. I thought I had done something wrong.”
“No, Trowa. It was me who did something wrong. I was so worried about how this trip was supposed to work out, that I forgot, the easiest way would be just to make it fun, instead of worrying about when we could be as close again as before.”
“Now that’s a cool suggestion from our Quatre-kun, don’t ya think? Make it fun!” a voice came from behind us and a hand grasped my shoulder. Instantly Trowa and I forced each other apart. The one behind us was nobody else but Duo, who grinned in our faces. “That area was reserved, didn’t you know?” he said, pointing at the corner we were sitting in. Heero poked out behind from him, holding his hands to Duo’s hips. Duo just looked too funny in his striped pajamas. Trowa, knowing these two were no harm, enclosed me in his arms again.
“Nice to know you two are well again,” Heero said in his monotone voice, but he meant it.
“If you’d now clear out our space...” Duo demanded.
“Your space?” Trowa asked, not moving the slightest bit, but nuzzling my neck.
“Hmph!” Duo tapped his foot. “We’ve been coming here for three nights, so we can rightfully claim this is ours!” He threw his head back, sending the braid flying into Heero’s face, who instantly grabbed and pulled it.
“ITAI!” Duo exclaimed, shooting an angry look at Heero. Heero just smirked and pulled him on the braid to a seat right next to us. “Don’t make such a fuss, Duo,” he said before he grabbed and kissed him. Trowa blinked at me, and I blinked back. I had very well understood, now...
“That’s how you’ve been enduring your stay here? That’s why you went to bed so early... that’s why you keep away from him?” I babbled.
Duo and Heero broke the kiss, Duo raised an annoyed eyebrow at me. “Sure... there was always something to patiently wait for...” he eyed Heero as he said so. “Makes the days interesting.”
Why hadn’t I thought of something like that? Duo and Heero didn’t get onto each other’s nerves the whole day and simply met at night for a bit, sharing their affection. The next day they could already anticipate the next night, and so on... It all seemed such an easy circle, and so nice... and they were fresh lovers. Trowa and I... we had been together for quite a while and didn’t figure out something as simple as this? I watched Heero and Duo kissing, as the thoughts tumbled over me. Trowa grabbed my chin and turned me away.
“Don’t just watch it...” he said and kissed me. I relaxed and kissed back. Still, while I was doing so, I wondered, whether Duo and Heero really just met here each night and instantly started kissing. It sounded a bit strange to me. Trowa moved a gentle hand over my tummy, distracting me from my thoughts. My mind concentrated on our touching tongues.
When we had finally stilled our little hunger for each other, and broke away panting, Duo and Heero had already sat next to each other and were watching us. I blushed intensely as I noticed that.
“Quatre? Embarrassed?” Duo giggled. And then we all laughed. I cuddled to Trowa and smiled.
“That was quite cute,” Trowa said to Heero and Duo.
“You were cute, too, thanks!” Duo answered and slid his arm around Heero, clearly stating that the Japanese was his property.
We spent the night talking, from yaoi couple to yaoi couple, if you like it put that way. Heero and Duo hadn’t crossed the kissing line yet, they had much to talk about, much too discover about each other first. To be frank, and we didn’t tell them much about our lines but that we had crossed that kissing one a long while ago. Heero raised an interested eye at this. That was all the intimacy of our conversation before we went back to bed to get at least a few hours of sleep.
You can guess life on the trip was easier now. Trowa and I even made ourselves look like best friends again in front of the others. Duo cautiously kept away from Heero, though, just in case. Leaves one thing to be mentioned. On the last night, Wufei came stumbling out in his pajamas, rubbing his eyes and found us in our corner. He had been missing us, as he found our beds empty. We invited him to sit down in the middle of us and he did, yawning.
“What the hell are you doing out here?”
“Cuddling,” I said.
“Hm...” he answered grumpily.
“Why are you up, anyway?” Duo asked.
“Thinking about Meiran.”
“Awww... Wufei-kun!” I said and laid my head on his shoulder. Duo laid his head on the other one.
“What the heck are you doing?”
“Tell us something about Meiran!” I said, grinning up to him from his shoulder. His eyes visibly lit up and he smiled, as he began talking about how wonderful she was to him. It was so sweet to listen, he totally got carried away. So we sat there, all five of us huddled together until Trowa signed it was time to go to sleep. Poor Siete was sleeping peacefully in his bed, not knowing about anything going on. Before I fell asleep, I quickly got up again and strolled over to Trowa’s bed, kissing his cheek. He opened his eyes in surprise.
“Hey, Trowa-chan, we’ll be back home tomorrow! Suki desu,” I smiled and hugged him before I climbed up into my own bed. Don’t ask me why I did this, I just had to.
Should I have learned anything from this story? I definitely have. The one thing I learned, was that there is no reason to fight with Trowa, not for any pain, because there is nothing that is worse than being mad at each other. It means inflicting pain on yourself as well as on the other, and who would want to do that?
The other thing I learned, is that before you grieve about problems – such that occur to be some – and feel helpless, search for the easiest solution. It might not be the most effective or satisfying, but it is a solution. And after that, you can search for more.
Quatre R. Winner