Steel and Spice

(Lemon and merciless Quatre ahead. Guess I really am a hentai.)

Excoooooze me, you shouldn’t read this! Really, this is my letter, my diary, so would you please not look at it? I want to write something personal in here, so if you’d be so kind and let me just have my privacy. I’d be really ashamed if you read this…

Yeah… er… the thing is, when Trowa and I had been sleeping together for a month, I got a little frustrated. Not because of the sex… oh no, that was just great (!!!), but he would never let me give him oral pleasure! Those four weeks went past flying like nothing – well, you’d suspect we were pretty busy. Oh, this is embarassing, but it is true. So after a months it occurred to me, that he had never in his life come without me, as I had. There were two or three mornings when he had woken me with a kiss long before we had to get up and undressed me while I still had been half-asleep. Before I even noticed it, I was completely at his mercy. There is no better way in being woken, I can assure you, but when I realized it, it started to bug me, that we had never switched roles in that.

The next time he was over and we ended up where we ended most of the time (in bed, of course (^,^)), I tried to make him lay down and do it to him. I had tried twice so far, just because, but even this time, he ended up dragging me to him and taking me the ‘normal’ way. He knew me well, he knew when I’d succumb to whatever he wanted, when I was wax in his hands and couldn’t refuse him. I had no chance against him, he’d take care of me until I was willing to do anything he wanted for the sake of the feeling. He knew that, and he used it. I don’t know whether he had some incredible self-control but I never managed to get him that far. Never far enough that he eventually wouldn’t yank me away from himself and we’d have it as always.

When I was alone, finally, I was even more frustrated. I hadn’t been when he had been there, but afterwards I just thought it was a mean game he played. But I also know, the reason for this was not selfishness or somehting like that. His reason for keeping me from it was his care for me. He wanted to make me feel good all the time, he didn’t want to come alone and not feel me with him in the same way. Oh, I swear if someone reads this, I’ll kill myself. It’s true, however! He didn’t notice, that this was just what he did to me sometimes – making me come without him to his satisfaction. He would take me in his mouth and make me go crazy, with him only enjoying hearing and feeling me. He had his pleasure in that, but didn’t even consider that I could have that, too… and that I thought he was mean doing that to me, making me unable to even protest, and crazily in love with him when it was over.

I had made up my mind, though, that it would change. While Trowa had a performance in the circus, I went out shopping, and believe me, I was really embarassed about getting what I got. Buying lube already is embarassing, but there are even worse things (usually Trowa get’s the lube, because I am too embarassed (^,^)). However, this I had to do on my own.

As usually, Trowa came over that night. It was a Friday and we had had a pretty exhausting week, lots of tests, a math competition (which Heero won, of course), and we had been studying a lot and sleeping little. I know it when I see him, I see it in his eyes and face, I see it from the looks he gave me – nobody else can tell, but I absolutely know when he starts thinking about it. Not that I would mind, on the contrary, it’s just fun observing him a while before. He starts looking into my eyes less than usual, but contemplates my body more often, secretly, as it seems, because he’s embarassed of what he’s longing for. It is really sweet, especially when he thinks he got caught. He then immediately looks into my eyes and in there, it is even more obvious.

Don’t think I am not the same. Sometimes, when I see that slander body in tight jeans, that veiled skin in his turtle-neck or those long, soft fingers resting anywhere else but on me, I do get a little anticipated. I want to savor that look in his green eyes, when he and I are cuddled to one another, I want to savor all he can give to me – damn, I want him!

Now one could come across thinking that we are … that we are ‘knocking’ (that’s how Duo put it once) it any free minute. Not true, I swear! We have a lot of romantic moments, when we just sit around in each others’ arms, read, study, watch stars or talk. If Trowa really talks to anyone, it is me. We go to the theatre and movies together, we eat, we even cook (we both are really bad at it), and there’s much more… but when that comes to us, it just does, and there is no need doing anything about it.

I am rambling, and I honestly could go on forever (maybe to avoid the subject?). That Friday night, I was not going to give him the pleasure, although his looks were novel-telling and it was hard to resist. But for once, I could use Trowa’s weaknesses to my advantage. I told him, I was really tired from that week and that we maybe just should go to sleep. Obliviously, we brushed each other’s teeth (yeah, get over it, I brushed his and he brushed mine and it was fun (^,^)), undressed (that I did myself) and crawled into my bed. Trowa probably thought he had a chance, once we were laying next to each other, but I wouldn’t let him. His hand crawled over my hip under the blanket and he pulled me close. Oh, that really felt good! I held my eyes closed and cuddled up to him, and he used the advantage of my face being close to his to kiss me softly and slowly. His hand automatically crawled under my pajama and over my back.

I caught it with my own hand and pushed it away weakly, back to the other side of the cloth, were it couldn’t touch my bare skin and make it even more difficult. Trowa kissed my closed eyelids and caressed my rear with his soft, slander fingers. I tell you, it was not easy playing the non-interested and my heart was pumping, thinking about the possibility to tell my plans goodbye and just follow him now. Once again I caught his wrist and placed his hand on a less sensitive part of me somewhere on my side.

“Really, Trowa-chan, I am tired,” I said, snuggling up to him some more. His hand moved up and towards my heart. That was a bad thing, because if he felt I actually was in anticipation for it, he’d be suspicious. My heart-beat, as always, clearly showed my interest. I pushed his hand back to where it came from.

“Kurohyouuuu…” I protested.

“Mizu Me,” said the most sexy voice in the world. It was really damn difficult!

“No. Lemme sleep!” I yawned and cuddled against him, burying my face in his chest. He sighed a little, but slung his arms around me and we remained still. Yeah, this was one of his weaknesses: He wouldn’t insist on it, if I obviously wasn’t up to it. For my sake, he would not. One part of me regretted he wasn’t more insistent and so careful to not make me do something I didn’t want to, the other was triumphant.

Satisfiedly, I fell asleep before him. I assume, my panther was still fighting with himself about not trying again, or regretting that he would have to wait.

At about seven am, my alarmclock rang and Trowa almost fell out of bed. I hit it with my flat hand and lied: “Sorry, forgot to switch it off, go back to sleep.”

He fell back down again, I cuddled him lovingly and a few minutes later his breath was calm and quiet. I secretly slid away from him and fortunately he didn’t wake up. There was just enough light coming through the closed lids of the window for me to see him. He was sleeping peacefully, obliviously. I reached under my bed and found my recently bought handcuffs (blush). Carefully, I sat back down onto my bed and searched for his wrist under the blanket. I found it and handcuffed him carefully. He sighed some, but didn’t notice. I went to the other side of the bed, found the other wrist and pulled both his amrs up over his head. For my sake, he didn’t wake up. I had been afraid he would, for usually he is a light sleeper, but he trusted that only I was there, not meaning any harm. I felt bad for abusing that trust. Carefully, I fiddled the handcuffs around the pole of the four-poster and handcuffed his wrist on the other side. Trowa was strapped. I snickered a little as I saw him laying there so helplessly.

Then, I went to the window and opened it, so the light could stream inside. It was a beautiful morning and it took a while to get used to the light. Trowa hid his face in the pillow – as much as possible in his position. I crawled back into bed and contemplated him. He was beautiful, as always. On his thin pajama-shirt, the lines of his chest showed an intruiging bit. His face was away from me, but I could slightly see it in profile: the straight nose, the soft skin and the lines the muscles on his neck created. I leaned over him and kissed him on his chin. He rubbed his nose against his tied arms and stretched his sleeping body a little. I kissed him again.

He tried to pull his arms down, and was surprised when something kept him from doing so. He blinked his eyes open and saw into my face. I smirked superiously. His turned his head so he could see above him and found the reason for his disability to move. He ruttled some on his hands and looked at me with total bewilderment.

“Mizu Me?” he asked puzzledly.

I reached out my hands and unbuttoned the shirt of his pajama. He watched me, not quite understanding what was going on. I made it clear to him, by running my hand over his bare chest, once I had finished unbuttoning. Too bad I couldn’t take the shirt away from him completely, but I would have had to free him, and I certainly wouldn’t do that. I ran my hands all the way down to his hips, threw the blanket onto the floor and kissed his stomach.

“Quatre!” Trowa yelped, struggling, as he understood what I was about to do. “N-no!” He was overwhelmed by the situation, he didn’t think I would do something like this. I beamed up at him and pulled on his pants, sliding them all the way down and over his ankles and feet until they joined the blanket on the floor.

“Hey, Mizu Me, what is that supposed to-” he began but I had already come up to his face and laid a finger on his mouth. Then, I leaned down, kissed him and felt him relax some as my tongue savored his lips.

“This is my day,” I said. “And I want you to be my angel now.”

He looked at me with wide, green eyes. I think he understood what I was meaning. When he had given me oral pleasure, and I had started to protest, he had told me, that I was an angel and that angels should just enjoy.

“No,” he protested. I kissed his lips sensually and his tongue darted out, asking for mine. I withdrew before this could go any further.

“Mizu Me…” he begged. I shook my head and smiled, before returning to the more personal parts. I spread his legs forcefully and he succumbed. I laid down inbetween them and looked at what would be mine for a while now, without him interfering this time. It would be fun, definitely. Trowa’s head was raised and he looked down on me, unable to believe that this was happening. Well, he should better believe it in a few. Under his opened shirt I could see his flat stomach raising and falling with his breathing. My eyes travelled up to his arms, strapped above his head – he was completely at my mercy. That was a sight! I’d never have thought it would please me like that. But it did… that almost frightened gleam in his eyes, this disbelief, it was all too funny and fascinating at the same time.

I kissed him gently – well, that part of him and felt him – and he struggled once more, trying to get away. I wondered whether he was really aware of the fact, that I enjoyed it and that he just needed to relax and succumb to me. Not that he would have a choice, but by now he should see that there was no reason for him to keep me from it. Or was he, in the end, afraid of my oral actions? I kissed him once more, then used my tongue to taste more of what was before me, to enjoy the bittersweet sensation. The handcuffs clattered, but he had no chance.

“Quatre… I can’t believe it!” he whimpered. “You shouldn’t-” he broke himself of in mid sentence, gasping and dropping his head back onto the pillow, almost giving up. I wrapped him in my mouth partly, my hands embracing his thighs and holding me up just enough to be comfortable in this position. I sucked and played some more, really enjoying what I was doing. I had reached the point where he usually would stop me, and yank me away from my toy. This time he couldn’t. I closed my eyes, sighed happily and took him inside fully.

“Oh, Quatre..” he moaned, and from his voice I could judge that he had give in, that he wouldn’t even retaliate if I loosened the handcuffs now. There was no time for that, though. I carassed his erection not only with my tongue and mouth, but with all my senses and love. I barely was aware of his moaning, although it made me feel quite hot to hear it. I felt the tension in his legs, hips and stomach. I felt how he reluctantly joined in the movement of my mouth and slowly got used to it, and moved freely and easily after a while.

When I looked up shortly, I couldn’t see much more than his hands which were clutching the pole they were tied to so tightly, that his fingers turned white. In a move of convulsion he rocked himself up some, so I scrambled to follow, before I lost that taste. I managed it, held him down more fiercly, clutched him around his hips and kept giving him the pleasure he had inflicted upon me before. His moans were much louder by then, accompanied by the desperate try to get more oxygen, and each of them giving me an electrical jolt in the stomach.

Trowa pressed himself against my mouth and cried my name as he came, spilled himself into my mouth, and I enjoyed that completely new taste I received of him. It felt so good to know that I had made him do that, to hear his yelling without being drawn too my own orgasm, for the first time fully able to really be aware of him coming. How his sweet body pressed against mine in pleasure. I watched him sink back, letting go of the pole and panting for breath. My sweet kurohyou was sweaty and as it seemed very, very satisfied with the world. I was almost proud of myself for having made it so good for him. Gracefully, I crawled over him, warming his wet body with the cloth of my pajamas.

He just looked at me, unable to say anything, but still totally perplexed by the fact, that I had actually handcuffed him and giving him such a blowjob without any mercy. I should have felt guilty – but I knew how much he had enjoyed it, and I knew how much I had. I slid a hand under my pillow and fished for the key of the handcuffs. Sitting on his stomach, I freed him of his helpless situation. He shook his wrists some as soon as they were free and then held me by my hips.

“How…” he panted, “how did you come to … do such a thing?”

I leaned forward so my face was inches away from his, and I could taste his warm breath.

“You’d never have let me otherwise,” I whispered. He pulled me close and kissed me.

“Just because I didn’t want you to giver yourself for that, I’m not worth it.”

“Right,” I smirked, “but I can assure you it was all selfishness. You are just too fascinating. Everywhere.”

He cuddled me a little. “Arigatou.” Then suddenly he bagan laughing merrily.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Quatre.” He grinned.

“Hm?”

“You are really aroused, ne?” Without a warning, he slid a hand between my legs and stroke me on a most sensitive spot. I gasped, tensed and tried to rob away from that hand, but since I was laying on top of him, the only thing I could do was rob ove rhis head, which I didn’t want to. Trowa laughed again, and I blushed as he rubbed me again.

“Well, that’s not my fault! I enjoyed tasting you! I really.. uh … did!” I defended myself.

“I know,” he said, flipped me over and pinned me to the bed.

Admittingly, I lost again… Even though my plan had worked out, in the end, he was the one, getting what he wanted. I have no idea where he takes these skills from, but by my heart, I swear he absolutely has them! And so, as usually, I ended up the one moaning, and he the one smirking. And… um… the handcuffs? Trowa certainly showed me what he must have felt like…

Blushing, Quatrehi