Death Part
II
I don’t even know how life went on after that. I just lived because I had no choice. I stayed at Quatre’s house. I couldn’t have gone anywhere on my own - I guess -, and Quatre was always there for me when I needed him.
Nobody mentioned his name... Nobody tried to remind me on Heero. It was in vain though, I thought about nothing else. My face was as silently tensed as his used to be, I could hardly talk, I could hardly eat... for days. Quatre and Trowa didn’t show how worried they were about me, but they were.
I would wake up in the morning and not understand until I got into the shower. When the water ran down on me, I started crying out loud, saying his name, pleading for heaven or hell to bring him back. Quatre and Trowa heard me cry in the shower, they heard me cry at night, but I didn’t care. Sometimes one of them would come to me bed, when I sobbed for too long, and just crawl under the blankets next to me, cuddling me into sleep. They were so caring, so worried about me, that it almost hurt not to be able to express my thanks. I couldn’t... I was trapped in myself.
And when I came down for breakfast in the morning, Quatre would smile at me, bake pancakes and hand me fresh juice, while I stared at the table and couldn’t say a word. Could I even grasp what it meant, that Heero would never come back? Could I even understand the meaning of death? But wasn’t it me, who used to call himself shinigami? That was at a time, I really didn’t know the meaning of death. It was the final, the end, the last journey, and a journey you always do on your own. And you will always leave something behind. Heero left me behind, and I bet he didn’t want to. What did I still have to go through? I was a teenager, how many more years without Heero would I have? I didn’t believe I could find someone else. Someone other than Heero? No, it would mean betraying us both.
I often snapped into thoughts like that, staring vacantly into space. Sometimes silent tears would fall, sometimes they wouldn’t. In the evening I sat on the terrace, covered in a blanket like an old lady, and watch the seashore. I imagined he would walk along there, I imagined us swimming in the water together, or watching the sundown.
“Heero,” I would whimper, “there would have been so much more to discover.”
At some point, Trowa and Quatre would come outside and tell me it was time to go to bed.
I didn’t really recover from the news. I was still in that melancholic fit, when I saw a shadowed creature stumbling up the path to Winner’s mansion, definitely unable to walk. I immediately thought it was Heero, since I didn’t think about anything else, anyway. I could swear it was him, I could swear I recognized that shape! My mind told me, it was impossible, but my heart pounded. I told myself, I shouldn’t have any false hopes, but my body didn’t respond to what my mind reasonably explained. I stumbled through the garden, trying to reach the mansion’s front door, where the creature was headed. I could feel joy arousing inside me, I wanted to see Heero again! I almost fell several times and effectively cut holes in the neat lawn.
When I came to the fence, the path was empty. My Heero-vision had just vanished into mist and smoke. The entry lay still and silent.
I clutched my hands on the rail in front of me. I was so stupid, so naive. Heero wouldn’t come back. I was alone. How could I hope? This was no nightmare, this was bitter reality, this was the inescapable truth, this was...
Quatre and Trowa stormed out from the front door, as if the house was on fire. I just blinked in confusion, not able to put anything into sense. They picked him up... he had collapsed right into the bushes, they didn’t even take note of me... My heart fluttered, my head hurt, hell, everything ached again. What they were carrying was no one else but Heero! I shouldn’t have trusted my eyes. I leaped over the fence and ran towards them. It was incredible, how stupid I could be, but I tripped on the first step and banged right into the wall of the house, effectively knocking myself out. The world sunk into blackness and the last thing I saw were Quatre’s widened eyes.
I awoke again in the bed I had occupied the last few nights. My head hurt like hell, and so did my right arm. I must have fallen on it. The first thing I saw was Quatre. As he saw my eyes flicker open, he called for Trowa, softly, but loud enough to make his lover enter the room and join him. They stared at me. Quatre was smiling. I was confused. I remembered running towards the stairs, I even remembered running towards Quatre and Trowa, and that vision of Heero with them, but I couldn’t remember how meaningful that was. Heck, it was as if he hadn’t been dead before, I couldn’t grope that I thought I had seen a person who officially was dead.
Quatre laid a hand on my cheek and turned my head to the other side of the bed. My eyes widened in unbelievable shock. Heero was sleeping beside me, his head bandaged, his face full of bloody scratches. After a while I could gasp. I tried to raise my left arm to him, but it hurt, so I gently searched for his hand under the blanket with the other arm and grabbed it. He was warm. He was alive! I could see him breathe, I could feel there must be a pulse somewhere inside him. My mouth formed his name, yet, no sound escaped.
I rolled over to my side and slid my arm around his waist, ignoring the pain it caused. I moved up a little and kissed his cheek. It was so wonderful and – it was real! It was damn real! Heero was real. And he was breathing deeply and calmly. I snuggled up to him, burying my nose in his neck, when someone tugged my shoulder.
“Not too close, Duo.” It was Quatre. “His rips are broken. he needs space to breathe.”
I quickly edged away, as if he was sculptured of sugar or thin glass and could break anytime. I just watched my koibito sleep, unable to say much, unable to cry of joy. I watched forever, I didn’t even fall asleep. I watched him, unnaturally not moving, but his face peaceful. I watched Trowa put a wet cloth on his forehead. I watched long after Trowa and Quatre had gone to sleep.
I woke up the next morning, my headache had flown away, and found Heero sill sleeping beside me. A moment later Trowa, in his pajamas, entered, rubbing his eye, checking on Heero and me. I eventually got up, I had to eat and I had to take care of my koi. I didn’t need to leave the room, though. Trowa and Quatre silently brought breakfast and we ate together in silence. Afterwards we carefully uncovered Heero, finding one of the bandages around his rips soaked in blood. A wound had opened again. Together we carefully exchanged the bandages: Me and Quatre held Heero while Trowa bandaged him. Heero’s face clenched in pain, showing us, he’d soon be back. I held my cheek against his, whispering his name, before we covered him again.
About noon, Wufei appeared, the joyful news had finally reached him – in a very strange way. He told us what must have happened to Heero a while after the blow.
“It was all coincidence, how I found out,” he whispered, careful not to disturb Heero in his sleep, and eyeing him. “That gypsy rang the bell – she with her husband, and ask whether I was Chang Wufei. I confirmed, and she showed me Heero’s blood-stained green tank top, and told me she had been told I knew him. I took it from her, intending to give it to Duo and filling myself with grief about the loss of ... Heero. But that gypsy girl just waited, looking questioning at me. I asked her what was wrong, and finally she tried to tell. I could hardly understand her bad accent, but she said something about Heero running away, crying names and stuff. I shook that woman violently when I started to understand that he was still alive. I tried to get out of her where he was. She said, she didn’t know, he’d run away, crying Duo’s name. At least I thought she meant Duo, when she tried to quote him. I immediately drove over to Duo’s to find he’s not home. I checked your house, Trowa, and finally ended up here. ... ” he paused, looking at the sleeping pilot. “By Nataku, how long has he been here?” he asked.
“Two days,” Quatre whispered. “If I understand it right, he ran away to find Duo, knowing in what grief his koi must be.” Quatre looked at me and I blushed.
Trowa nodded, “He didn’t find him at home and used all his power to get here, straining himself and fainting on your doorstep. We can be happy he made it here, and we can be even more happy, we just looked out the window.”
I mildly watched Heero’s face. That baka had risked his life to tell me he was still alive! How odd was this? It was fall, hell, he could have frozen to death. I brushed a hand through his bangs, feeling the fever had ebbed. “Crazy jerk,” I whispered.
“Duo...” he moaned. I froze in shock.
“Heero? Are you awake?” I whispered louder, afraid I could cause a headache if I spoke too loud.
“Koi...” he moaned with some effort.
“I’m here,” I said, my heart pounding with nervousness at his voice.
“Good,” he just answered and piece returned to his face as he fell back into sleep. I brushed over his cheek, happily. I swear, I would have loved to just fall over him and kiss him, but I didn’t want to break more than what was already broken. Wufei, Trowa and Quatre smiled with relief and forced me out of the room, giving Heero his rest.
Heero awoke a day later, all on his own. Nobody was in the room, and I would have liked to bite myself for that. When I came back, his eyes were open and they were obviously searching for me. He calmed down when he saw me and I gently kissed his head. I felt his forehead and stuffed him with a thermometer, before he could protest. He glared at me, not understanding why I would take his temperature, instead of cuddling and kissing him. I smiled as I took it from him and stood upright to read it. The fever had almost completely vanished.
Heero tucked on my braid. “Hey?!” I exclaimed. A light smile flew over his face. “You seem pretty active for someone who is supposed to be dead.”
“Duo,” he moaned, “can’t you just once be serious?”
I kissed his lips lightly and he responded by kissing me back. “I have been deadly serious over the past two weeks, you wouldn’t want me that way,” I said, not showing the pain I just inflicted on myself by saying that.
“If it didn’t hurt so much right now...,” he said, his voice carrying a ray of happiness in itself, “I’d always want you...”
“Huh?! Wait a second! I almost cried my eyes out, because they told me you have died, and now you are coming with THAT?”
He laughed with closed lips, though his pain showed on his face. “Duo. No matter how hard I try, I’ll never die.”