Eternal Love

 

All empty inside. Nothing there. Heart stabbed.

 

By what power have you been killed, what power has taken you from me?

 

Can one feel so weak and haunted for something like a woman? I had always asked myself that, for months.

 

Dedication to four things had been my life. Justice, power, the battlefield and you... You were the most powerful woman I have ever met, proud that I was a soldier, strong in your own special way and with a great sense of justice. You taught me the real meaning of it.

 

Each time I looked in your eyes I found all there that I needed, if not even more. How could a young woman be as you were?

 

For all I knew, eternity was my and your fate, and I didnít fear it, while I was close to you. I gave myself completely into you hands, and we shared everything there could be shared.

 

Gomen nasai... I should excuse, now that I stand on your grave. I understand if you hate me now.

 

Here I am, wondering whether I should not mourn forever about the moments we shared, the moments I should miss... Itís not fair to you, to get over it after a while. I am not supposed to ever forget the pain!

 

Jeopardy, you said, is life. There are always things to loose. But are there also things for the dead to loose? What a painful thought. I remembered your words when you died, they gave me strength. And I remember how painful it was... can I inflict the same pain upon you?

 

Killing by my own hand is one thing, but standing and watching love blow up, is another. I could not find guilt in myself, I judged the world for it. Now I feel guilty, just because I changed.

 

Love was supposed to last forever, we always talked about that. How could I have changed?

 

Meiran, I still miss you, as much as a husband can...

 

Nevertheless, I feel you deserve to be missed more. They told me Iíd get over it, but I didnít think that one should get over the death of oneís beloved wife, for nothing!

 

Only you should be in my heart. I cannot forgive myself for giving in to that unjust weakness in myself... what can I do, Meiran? Youíve been gone for too long.

 

Please, if you hate me, from wherever you are, try to understand. I need something to live on for, Meiran... What am I doing?

 

Questioning my love to you, thatís what. But oh, Meiran, I still love you, I told you before. But thereís someone else now who makes me feel weird, beyond my understanding.

 

See what I see, help me if you can. If you still love me, try to understand. This person reminds me so much of you, itís like thereís is a part of you. Maybe that it why it happened this way. Can you understand...? Donít hate me, Meiran!

 

Treize... why did I fall for him? His eyes, his strength, the way he seems to take things so light and easy...like you.

 

Unbelievable, I should learn to cope with your death because of someone I should call my enemy. I do... Meiran.

 

Vulnerable, thatís what we all are. I understood this after you died. I am, too... can you accept my weak points, provoked by love? Can he? Can I? He injured me most profoundly. I am vulnerable, just like you.

 

Will I get anywhere with this stupid love, my Meiran? Was it a mistake to succumb to these feelings and make room in my heart for Treize, shoveling you aside a bit?

 

X-ed out... Is that what you are from my heart, Meiran? Should I put it so harshly? No, because you arenít. Is it possible for a man to love two persons?

 

Zealous lover, untrue husband, call me what you like, Meiran, I deserve it. But in front of this grave, that will one day maybe hold our united bodies, I realize, that a man can love two persons. I love you... and I love Treize. Please understand.

 

Mistoline

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